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Sometimes I wonder where I ve been,Who I am, Do I fit in.Make believin is hard alone,Out here on my ownOut Here On My Own, Irene Cara, Songwriters Leslie Gore Michael Gore Vivaldi is in your head The music you hear is like the blaze orange clothing the men wear on the mountainsides while deer hunting in autumn The music is like a bulletproof vest, a coiled copperhead, a rabies shot The music is both a warning and a talisman The music tells you things The music says What yoSometimes I wonder where I ve been,Who I am, Do I fit in.Make believin is hard alone,Out here on my ownOut Here On My Own, Irene Cara, Songwriters Leslie Gore Michael Gore Vivaldi is in your head The music you hear is like the blaze orange clothing the men wear on the mountainsides while deer hunting in autumn The music is like a bulletproof vest, a coiled copperhead, a rabies shot The music is both a warning and a talisman The music tells you things The music says What you feel is real Follow me Run This memoir is about growing up in the 80s 90s, about growing up in the Appalachian mountain area of West Virginia, and then later on, moving not that far away, but to the Virginia side of these same mountains It s about a love of music that began with music from a favourite childhood VHS tape It s about a girl who grew up in a rural area, and parents who drove hours every week to see a dream of hers become real It s about a town that saw her as having reeyell talent, and how life or at least the people who counted disagreed It s about how she managed to for a time find work touring the world, as a violinist More specifically, she is paid to perform as a violinist before an unplugged microphone, while The Conductor plays the music that is broadcast courtesy of a 14.95 tape player From a festival in New Hampshire her first gig in 2002, to China, all around the US, playingfestivals, inside malls selling their CD s to any shoppers who overheard their music playing, to larger venues, traveling around the country in a beat up camper that was held together by duct tape It s about a young woman who struggles with life in the body, struggles that many others have faced before It s about 9 11 and the war in Iraq It s about the 90 s, women s equality It s about how both social media and reality television have changed life in a less than positive way It s about the disparity of ways of life throughout the US, throughout the world I found this almost impossible to put down, she shares her story in such an engaging way, so vulnerable, and honest about the toll that taking this job took on her physically, to get her through university This story itself is incredibly engaging, but there is so muchto this than just a composer who has duped hundreds of thousands of people into buying his musicAnd if you aren t a violinist you who clung to your violin like it was a life preserver, like a prosthetic phallus, like a shield and a sword with which you battled the feeling that you were just an average looking, unsubstantial, nothing special girl, a girl who could be thrown under the bus of American culture with all the other girls then who are you Captivatingly candid, this is an thoroughly enjoyable memoir that is relevant to our world today.Published 12 Feb 2019Many thanks to W.W Norton Company for the ARC Instagram Twitter FacebookPinterest What a strange book this was Even though it s a memoir, it kind of reminded me of MY YEAR OF REST AND RELAXATION because of its tongue in cheek narrative and critical examination of what living in the U.S during a post 9 11 society means for the population But it s alsothan that it s the very strange journey of a violinist from the Appalachians joining a fake orchestra where she and the other musicians played in concert hal Instagram Twitter FacebookPinterest What a strange book this was Even though it s a memoir, it kind of reminded me of MY YEAR OF REST AND RELAXATION because of its tongue in cheek narrative and critical examination of what living in the U.S during a post 9 11 society means for the population But it s alsothan that it s the very strange journey of a violinist from the Appalachians joining a fake orchestra where she and the other musicians played in concert halls across the U.S and China into dead microphones.At first, I really enjoyed Jessica s journey She chronicles her intro to music and her financial and social struggles through college To separate the befores and afters, her misadventures with the concert and the infamous Composer are told in first person, and everything taking place in the past is told in second person I liked her literary references and her cutting observations I liked that she was able to make fun of herself and the ridiculous situation.I think the problem was that I signed up for the memoir about her fake orchestra hijinks, and ended up with a lot of tangents that were at first amusing, but then quickly became exasperating I was skimming fairly heavily by the end of the book, having grown bored by even her interactions with the Composer and the reluctant participants in his orchestra scam I guess you could say that I ve been spoiled when it comes to juicy scams I ve been watching too many refinery29 YouTubes and reading up on r antiMLM threads.This wasn t a bad book and it entertained me for a little while, but it wasn t the hilarious laugh out loud quirky experience that I was hoping for I m kind of surprised by all the hype, to be honest It was just another bland memoir of someone trying and failing to make it in New York Thanks to the publisher for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review 2.5 stars There were just some things you couldn t do for money Not because they were particularly difficult, but because you just didn t want to Because they weren t worth your life, which might not be worth much, but was worth something God, this book It s catapulted itself into my favorite books of all time, but how do I even begin to explain why Yes it s about playing the violin or not playing the violin, however you want to look at it , but the most important parts of this memoir are not about There were just some things you couldn t do for money Not because they were particularly difficult, but because you just didn t want to Because they weren t worth your life, which might not be worth much, but was worth something God, this book It s catapulted itself into my favorite books of all time, but how do I even begin to explain why Yes it s about playing the violin or not playing the violin, however you want to look at it , but the most important parts of this memoir are not about that at all They re about growing up in the 90s they re about the war in Iraq they re about women s equality, the obsession with reality television, the farce that is work life balance in America.It s so much easier for me to write about the books I ve hated than it is the books I ve loved Hating something is almost always tangible it s bad writing, a shitty plot, boring characters To love a book is a feeling It s a sharp intake of breath, forgetting to exhale, because you can t believe the words in front of your face Hindman captivates on two fronts her recollection of touring America as a fake violinist, andimportantly, her uncanny ability to so clearly describe the unpleasant topics society swept under the rug for those of us born in the 80s.She recounts the false promises made to young girls in the 90s Even stranger is that, as people say in the 1990s, It s the nineties , meaning, women are equal now A teacher tells your class, You can be anything you want if you work hard enough, and then adds, This is true for girls now, too What no one ever says during your entire upbringing is that there has been a cultural price to pay for equality The Millennial dilemma of working ourselves to death to create self worth What seems most important is that, for the first time in your life, you chose your health over the extra work that you might have been able to produce, the extra success you might have been able to achieve And you ll marvel that all it took was someone someone whom you thought of as brilliant and hardworking giving you permission not to put work above everything else Anxiety as a social taboo Panic attacks serve as confirmation of the very things women spend their lives working to negate suspicions of female silliness, stupidity, hysteria At the core of any anxiety is fear, and yours is this You have lost control over everything You have spent years working hard under the belief that hard work matters, but you are suddenly struck by the idea that nothing you do matters And how surprisingly purposeless her dream of being a post 9 11 war correspondent was There is no way to know that the new America will have very little interest in learning anything accurate about the Middle Eastit will bedifficult to make a living by providing accurate information about the Middle East to an American audience than it will be to make a living by fake playing the violin I admire Hindman s ability to talk so candidly about the traumatic events of her life Her story helped me process many of the questions I ve had throughout my life but have never received sufficient answers for.Seeof my reviews Blog Instagram A violinist and Eastern Studies major who is struggling to pay her way through Columbia gets a job that seems to bethan she ever hoped for She is going to be playing professionally for audiences across the U.S It turns out to be fake the music is played through speakers, never liveWhile this is a memoir about being a fake, this is not a fake memoir This is a memoir in earnest, written by a person striving to get at the truth of things that happened in her pastFrom the introductio A violinist and Eastern Studies major who is struggling to pay her way through Columbia gets a job that seems to bethan she ever hoped for She is going to be playing professionally for audiences across the U.S It turns out to be fake the music is played through speakers, never liveWhile this is a memoir about being a fake, this is not a fake memoir This is a memoir in earnest, written by a person striving to get at the truth of things that happened in her pastFrom the introduction.Jessica Hindman grew up in Appalachia among some of the most impoverished residents in the country It s interesting though, the gripping poverty seemed normal to her until she considered it later, throughmature eyes Children are so flexible Almost anything can be made to seem normalAnd as you listen to the other kids talk about their life goals, you realize something else You are someone whose upbringing was upper class enough to make you believe you could make music for a living, but lower class enough to provide no knowledge of how to do itpg 10After some serious struggles through puberty with her body and self image, Jessica ends up following her boyfriend to Columbia University, where they almost immediately break up But her troubles to pay the astronomical tuition bills are just beginning The Composer, the man behind the music and the tours Jessica eventually goes on, seems to know very little about music himselfAnd then, The Composer asks me a question that had it come from any other musician, let alone a Billboard topping classical composer who has performed with the New York Philharmonic I would have taken as a joke I like this music, he says of the opening to Beethoven s Fifth Symphony What is itpg 20Despite any concerns she may have, Jessica perseveres in the job anyway, because her tuition requirements leave her little choice It nearly ruins her mind and body before she finds a way out of her predicament Along the way, you can t help but hope for her to succeedAfter severalcustomers mention Titanic, you begin to realize that most of The Composer s compositions sound very Titanic esque And you notice that thethe songs sound like Titanic, thecustomers want to buy thempg 47I enjoyed this memoir so much not just because of Jessica s life, which is fascinating, but also because we have so many things in common I am the same age she is, lived through the events of 9 11 in a collegiate setting as she did , started out as a music major but changed to something else, and the similarities go on I ve also experienced crushing anxiety with the same physical symptoms she describes It was eerie, reallyA million timesthan any other emotion or experience, fear has the strength and ability to mangle her into something different from what she truly is, something phony and fake and cowardly And now, surprised and twisted and disoriented and broken as she is by fear s sudden arrival, she realizes that she needs to fight it, fight for her lifepg 223But you don t need to be anything like Jessica to appreciate what it means to be made to feel like an impostor in your own life To know that you can be doing better, but you re just inching along To dream big but live small.Recommended for readers who enjoy memoirs about a life filled with difficulties, but also hope If you have a background in music, you may like this book even , but it s not required to understand it This is the sort of book you stay up too late reading.I usually stick to fiction, because a character s life as invented by the author has to beinteresting than the real lives of people around us But Jessica s account of working for The Composer is weirder than fiction Sure, it s a story about being a violinist in fake concerts, but also manages to be a study on the nature of memoir, reality, growing up female in the nineties, undergraduate class conflict, a tour of America at war, and t This is the sort of book you stay up too late reading.I usually stick to fiction, because a character s life as invented by the author has to beinteresting than the real lives of people around us But Jessica s account of working for The Composer is weirder than fiction Sure, it s a story about being a violinist in fake concerts, but also manages to be a study on the nature of memoir, reality, growing up female in the nineties, undergraduate class conflict, a tour of America at war, and the unreliable narrator in our own heads I really appreciated the vulnerability she put into this book It allows even a reader with the most boring life to relate to the sometimes crazy experiences the author had While Jessica is critiquing her young self for her inability to make a living doing something important, I m admiring all of the ways that she at least tried, harder than most people ever try at anything Before I even finished reading this book it was obvious that she had managed to do something important and creative This book is brilliant I can t wait to read what she writes next I won this book through a giveaway in exchange for an honest review.Unfortunately I could not get myself to finish this I really hate not finishing a book and I usually force myself to suffer through it if it s bad or not something I m into, but now that I am getting older, I am learning that there are tons of books I want to read in my lifetime, and it is okay not to finish the ones I don t like That might seem obvious to some of you, but my OCD ness qualities make it difficult for me to d I won this book through a giveaway in exchange for an honest review.Unfortunately I could not get myself to finish this I really hate not finishing a book and I usually force myself to suffer through it if it s bad or not something I m into, but now that I am getting older, I am learning that there are tons of books I want to read in my lifetime, and it is okay not to finish the ones I don t like That might seem obvious to some of you, but my OCD ness qualities make it difficult for me to do I don t have much to say about this book other than the fact that I was beside myself with boredom |DOWNLOAD EPUB ♴ Sounds Like Titanic ♬ A young woman leaves Appalachia for life as a classical musician or so she thinksWhen aspiring violinist Jessica Chiccehitto Hindman lands a job with a professional ensemble in New York City, she imagines she has achieved her lifelong dream But the ensemble proves to be a sham When the group performs, the microphones are never on Instead, the music blares from a CD The mastermind behind this scheme is a peculiar and mysterious figure known as The Composer, who is gaslighting his audiences with music that sounds suspiciously like the Titanic movie soundtrack On tour with his chaotic ensemble, Hindman spirals into crises of identity and disillusionment as she plays for audiences genuinely moved by the performance, unable to differentiate real from fake Friend You really played in a fake orchestra touring the whole of America Jessica Yep, we were all playing in front of dead microphones and the crowd could never tell.Friend So do you feel guilty having conned hard working folks out of their money Jessica It wasn t ME, it was the composer Friend Kinda like Milli Vanilli, it was not them it was their manager.Jessica Exactly Friend Wow that s so interesting you should write a book about itJessica To be honest my life has not been very i Friend You really played in a fake orchestra touring the whole of America Jessica Yep, we were all playing in front of dead microphones and the crowd could never tell.Friend So do you feel guilty having conned hard working folks out of their money Jessica It wasn t ME, it was the composer Friend Kinda like Milli Vanilli, it was not them it was their manager.Jessica Exactly Friend Wow that s so interesting you should write a book about itJessica To be honest my life has not been very interes.Friend No no you should totally write a book, I am sure everyone would want to know about your poor upbringing in Appalachia Jessica I know my father was a doctor and we were never technically poor but boy did I suffer to pay my tuition for Columbia University, my trips to Cairo and my apartment in New York Sigh, the story could have benefited from a firm editor The narration jumps from first to 2nd person with no real consistency Jessica had an uneventful upbringing, the privilege of attending Columbia University, got paid very well to play in an orchestra even if it was a fake one and took this one tidbit of her life and stretched it out like taffy to make a full novel.Some of the author s musings about life, religion and politics were good but not enough to save the book for me I know I m posting this review early, but I just have to share.I m going to cut to the chase and just come out and say that this is one of my favorite books that I have read in a long time and I want every woman I know to read it and we will all be in one huge book club.On its surface, it is a memoir of a woman who spends a few years of her young adulthood faking it as a professional violinist The Composer, a man who is never named specifically, has written simplistic orchestral music that soun I know I m posting this review early, but I just have to share.I m going to cut to the chase and just come out and say that this is one of my favorite books that I have read in a long time and I want every woman I know to read it and we will all be in one huge book club.On its surface, it is a memoir of a woman who spends a few years of her young adulthood faking it as a professional violinist The Composer, a man who is never named specifically, has written simplistic orchestral music that sounds suspiciously like the Titanic theme song, and pays semi professional musicians to fake play along to a soundtrack The crowd never knows the difference, and the author becomes an accomplished violinist who really isn t that great.Yet, there are nuanced layers to the story that make it rich and engrossing Ms Hindman had a world class education in Middle Eastern studies during 9 11, but no one was interested in what she had to share After growing up in Appalachia and finding herself living among the children of the 1% in New York City, she feels that she must literally work herself to death to validate her existence Fascinating discussions on what she refers to as life in the body the struggle every woman has in coming to terms with her body and the space it inhabits I m calling this is as my favorite book of 2018 arc received from the publisher This memoire stuck with me while I was reading it I kept turning her ideas over and over in my mind while I was out and about Chiccehitto Hindman s revelations when she entered Columbia about class, money and genuine talent versus smoke and mirrors are particularly timely There is such a disconnect to reality these days thanks in part to technology and also to network effects Many products presented to us are funneled through these two constructs and have very little to do with the actual This memoire stuck with me while I was reading it I kept turning her ideas over and over in my mind while I was out and about Chiccehitto Hindman s revelations when she entered Columbia about class, money and genuine talent versus smoke and mirrors are particularly timely There is such a disconnect to reality these days thanks in part to technology and also to network effects Many products presented to us are funneled through these two constructs and have very little to do with the actual value of what we are consuming It s a cynical perspective but certainly valid I think we are all seeking real heroes, genuine talent, brilliance and ideas that rise above the noise of marketing and money My hope is that we find better ways to identify and reward these people and these products I very much enjoyed this book and recommend it